Heart that was cut in two, Running out of remedies, What to do to fix. The heart that is weak, The heart that is now so tired, The heart that's broken. Making an effort, To be strong and fine again, Will live through forever. Because somehow it will never...
~Muntik ng masanay ako sa'king pag-iisa 🎧 It was just a few weeks ago when I've finally accepted to go on, and move on with my life. It was then that I realized, it was all in my head. I was a whiner baby, I thought about him all day, I made attempts for our daily convos to continue without any dull moment. What my mind thought, the heart doesn't feel. Nasanay na lang 'yung utak kong isiping mahalin siya't nasasaktan ako. Pero sa totoo lang, wala na pala talaga akong nararamdaman para sakaniya --- in a romantic way of course. 😊😂 Flashback --- April 24, 2016 Jollibee, SM Lucena Branch. I was busy attacking my sour onion flavored fries when he spoke, "Iba ang usapang lalaki, usapang magkabrad, at usapang magkabatch. Sa tingin ko naman, lalaking lalaki ako [haha] para tumupad sa usapan, kaya wag kang mag-expect sa'kin." It took him two sentences to break my "happiness" from devouring my fries away. I stopped. I stared at him for a moment while he continued eating. Spicy chicken joy, yum burger, and coke. We had the usual. It was like our thing. He acted as if he told me something about the weather. And there I was, on the verge of crying. Yet I managed to compose myself and made the truest, most ancient, but lamest excuse in the book --- "Uy wait lang ha, iihi lang ako. 😂" When I was inside, without being ordered, my tears fell down. I looked at myself in the mirror, and thought, "Kaya mo 'yan. Nabuhay ka ng 18 years ng wala siya. Kaya mo 'yan. Diba 'yan na 'yung sign? Tumigil na. Hindi na uso maging tanga." After fixing myself, I made my way back and tried to be thy usual self. I gotta tell 'ya folks, it was fvcking hard. I was spacing out every minute, and him breaking me out of my trances. When I can't finish my fries bc i lost the eager appetite, I initiated to leave. Bid goodbye and said my thanks without looking back. We parted our ways. We somehow managed to remain normal after that. But for me, something changed that moment. Kusang nagmomove on 'yung feelings ko. Nasabihan na e. HAHAHA pero habang nangyayari 'yun, my mind wasn't aware of that. Back to present day --- June 17, 2016 Same time, same place, same table, same order. 😊 But just me. I was willing to let go, to fully let my heart recover from the awful pain it went through. I was ready. 😊😀 ~Tuloy parin ang awit ng buhay ko, magbago man ang hugis ng puso mo. Handa na akong hamunin ang aking mundo pagkat tuloy pariiiin... 🎧 Special thanks to my very good friend, Ysabelle Cuevas for her exquisite cover of the song. Listened to it while I was doing this blog. Truly was inspiring! 😂😂😊 -Gela V.3.0
It was unexpected. I never saw it coming. And neither did you. What happened between us was a scene I always thought would never become real-- that it was only in my dreams when I'm fast asleep. Now, what happened was true. And it was a damn hard truth. But I am scared. No. I am terrified. Because i have no idea what the future holds. And that i might not ever be prepared enough to face it.
Hi fans! I know you all missed me! HAHAHAHA. It felt like ages since the last time i posted sumthin' here. Hello tumblr na kasi. Sorry na. ^^v Pero hindi nga, sorry talaga. Sorry kung naipaparamdam ko sa`yong ikaw (weebly) yung tinatakbuhan ko pag may kailangan lang ako. Hindi ganoon `yun, pero ngayon lang kasi ako nabigyan ulit ng pagkakataon para maglahad ng nararamdaman na pwede ipabasa sa kanila e. Please forgive me. Mag-isa lang ako ngayon fans. Huhuhuhu. Alone but somehow quite lonely ang Ate niyo. Funny thing is, I thought I was used to the feeling, but it hurts every single time it happens. I've been comforting myself for the last seven hours that passed, and for another three hours to go. I don't know where to go, what to do, who to contact. They shut me all up. Pati `yung taong hindi mo kayang hindi-an, tinanggihan ka na. Sadlyf, bruh! Hindi parin ako kumakain (time check, 7:43PM). Siguro okay lang naman na kahit sa pagkain man lang, may kasabay ako diba? Hahaha. I honestly think i am so close to insanity. Huhuhu. Help meee! But these times alone, help me think, tho i sometimes overthink a lot. I realized that independence is a must. Kasi hindi habang buhay, andiyan siya, pero mas pwede yung forever eh, alone ka. I am trying to be strong as much as I can. Tho I keep on failing to stand, I always try to stand again. As of now, I just wanna say something. Here goes... Hangga't hindi ko pa kaya, please be mine. Please be my strength. Lift me up, let me fall, but catch me up again. I am now at my weakest phase. Where a smile is not a smile, but a mask to be okay. To tell the whole world I am fine. Kasi ako `to e. Strong ako, hindi pwede maging mahina. Vulnerability is not an option. Bitin `tong blog na `to. Hahaha. Nakakaiyak. Lols. Sige na. Need to go mga bes. Mahal ko kayo, lalo ka na, mahal na mahal kita. Kaya please... Superman fly away...A lot has been happening to me lately. Even the most random things are able to pop out inside my head. Ganyan ba pag may pinagdadaanan? Information overload eh. With these, i always try to put up a front. Ayokong nakikita nila akong malungkot. Kasi hindi ako ganun. Kahit na mahirap ngumiti, pinipilit ko parin. Oh diba, #TeamStrong na kaya ako? Luuh. Mas mahal ko ang AKMu. *kawaaaaay! Mahirap magpretend. And i know so, `cause it's about a month now since I've been wearing a mask for everyone to see. I don't want to be looked at as nakakaawa while he's there, laughing his whole heart out. Hindi ulit ako bitter. Hindi ko lang matanggap na ganoon siya ka-selfish para hindi ako hayaang maging masaya. Kasi hindi niya `ko kayang kausapin. Don't get me wrong, I AM HAPPY WITH MY FRIENDS, LIKE ALL THE TIME. BUT THERE ARE TIMES THAT I KNOW THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH. AND SOMEHOW, I KNOW ONLY HE CAN FIX IT, BUT HE WON'T. And sooooo, I am trying to move on. Pero hindi ko pa magawa-gawa kasi naguguluhan ako. Kaya ito, still stuck with the whole pretending thingy. Until one day, he came. SUPERMAN! Oh, don't get your hopes too high `cause i don't feel anything for him. I know when and how I've developed admiring feelings or falling in love (i still effin` love kasi `yung kaklase ko. Sad.) And I'm positive this ain't anything like that. But there's this strange feeling bubbling up inside whenever I see or even talk to him. Gusto niya best friend ko. And I have nothing against that kasi nga wala namang something from me to him. Recently, we started chatting and talking -- mostly `bout my gorg. friend. Hahaha! I mean i know him kasi kalaban ko siya sa debate last year, but not as now like we're friends na talaga. Masaya siya kausap and he makes me laugh easily. I would really like to be one of his closest friends kasi feeling ko hindi siya nang-iiwan. I know this is all too fast to trust a guy or even a person like that but, I have enough doubts in my life. I think I'll just go with it. But my whole point of this whole blog is... And to Mark Vincent Monteclaro, thank you for making me happy. I enjoy your company virtually and personally. I want to get to know you better and make you one of the points in my circle of friends. And i hope mabasa mo `tong blog `pag close na tayo. Hahaha! P.S. "Superman" kasi Clark ang fraternity name niya. He's one of the Phians. Special thanks to:
Have you ever been to that point in your life when you thought you were so sure of something but end up spending the whole night thinking about it? And you'd look like that girl down there. I know I did. Haha! Despite of being bombarded with loads of bloody exams, I managed to think about effin' you. Swerte mo naman. Nagka-stiff neck ako dahil sa'yo. They tell me it's mutual, what's between you and I. Funny thing is, hindi ko naramdaman. But the beyond all that, nagpakamanhid ako at hinayaan lang na ganoon. Mutual daw e. But everything has its own limitation. And I'm afraid I'm close to reaching mine. Takot akong sumuko kasi umaasa ako. Pinaasa mo `ko e, na baka mamaya meron pala pero nag-give up ako. Kaso hindi ko maramdaman -- wala akong ma-feel. We all vary in expressing affection towards another. There can be clingy people *raises hand*, the silent type, and the poker-faced ones. Which one are you? Lahat. You don't say much about it, nor show anything. Yes you are a bit clingy, pero hindi sa`kin. Sad. Because you always choose them. Your -- I mean our friends. And i have nothing against that, Okay lang naman kung second option ako e, ang kaso lang. Wala talaga sa options. Sad times 2. I did everything to understand you. And when I told you I love you, I already accepted all the things good AND bad about you. But you were so damn selfish. You never tried to understand me. When all I asked was assurance, na kahit `yun lang ibigay mo na. Hindi mo ginawa. But I stayed. You never heard anything from me. And though they keep on telling me to stop what I am doing, nagbingi-bingihan ako. Yet the hell, I am starting to believe them. I still want to hang on. Tanga na kung tanga, mahal kita e. But I don't plan on hanging around for a long time. Hindi naman ako ganun ka-tanga. Slight lang. Just prove to me my staying is worth it, at walang magbabago. But if you remain what you are, I'll move on. And swear to God, i'll be happier than you'll ever see. BUT I AM THE HAPPIEST PERSON ALIVE, WHEN I'M WITH THEM. LOVE YOU GUYS! TIMES INFINITY PLUS ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR--EVEER!
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